Below is a letter a friend of mine wrote to me in fun as a consequence of discussions he and I had at Walt Disney World celebration of my 90th birthday given to me by my children and attended by a few friends and relatives.


  Well Pasquale, I heard through the grapevine (just a euphemism -- since I know everything) that they are throwing a birthday bash for you in Disney World of all places.

    It’s been almost 20 years since we had our last conversation, one that I thought was confidential, but then you wrote it all down in a book and “created” a whole new army, annoying little doubters.  I know you would say that the doubters already existed but remember, only I can create.

  I stayed out of touch these years because I wanted you to really think hard about our exchanges and in some way come to your senses.  You never won any arguments with me but I know that my viewpoint has made a profound change in your life.

  Of course, I have given a lot of thought to much of what you had to say and frankly I now acknowledge that some of the guys carrying my messages have overdone it a bit.  I have been working with them to calm them down and give some credit to those who think outside the Bible.  (Got that from Taco Bell.)

  90 years old?  Big deal!  Some of my early followers lived a lot more than that.  I have to admit though that some of them hanging around up here don’t look too good.  Yet, I did bring some of the earlier ones up with me, but they are beginning to “turn the corner” if you get what I mean.  There is really no one here can carry on an intellectual conversation.  The Popes have their own club and Mother Teresa has started a convent.  Of course, we don’t allow politicians, lawyers, and free thinkers here so there isn’t much going on.

  I have wandered from my real purpose in contacting you again, this time thru third parties.  It wouldn’t be good for me to be the first to break the ice between us.

     I wanted to tell you that I am growing increasingly impatient with your refusal to accept me as the last word in everything thought to be both natural and supernatural.

  You force me to place a deadline on you.  I will give you ten more years to reconsider your attitude.  I will not contact you again.

  The next time we talk it will be FACE TO FACE and then you will see that I was right. 

  Your friend,


   In the year of your Lord, May 31, 2004



  Hey!  “God,”

   I’m tremendously impressed, astounded, and appreciative for Your concern.  When I repeatedly called to You, near the end of our discourse and received no response, I thought I had convinced You that it was ludicrous not only for You, but anyone else also, to believe that You could possibly exist.  But all my reasoning was lost on Your non-physical brain.  You never could admit that You’re wrong.  However, to respond to some of Your remarks, if my concept of time were like Yours, by Your reckoning, I’m one thousand and eighty plus years old.  That IS a very “big deal.”

    As to “coming to your senses,” I’m disappointed in Your lack of (all-seeing) observation.  I came to my senses about three quarters of a century ago when I finally escaped the conditioning and proselytizing process foisted on me by Your henchmen.  Moreover, You don’t seem to be having much success in persuading Your bully boys to ease up on those, as You put it, “who think outside the Bible.”  As for being the “last Word,” You’d better pay more attention to all Your sales persons here on earth who don’t seem to have gotten that message -- what with all their differences of opinion about You.

    I sympathize (not really) with Your lack of opportunities for intellectual conversation.  That’s why I have no intention of joining You.  As I once mentioned to You, Don Juan says, Heaven’s a boring place.  All the action is in the lower world. 

    Contacting me through a third party?  I always suspected that You didn’t have the courage to do Your own dirty work.  Remember how You sent Satan to test Job’s faith in You?

    Dead lining me to a mere ten more years?  Scare tactics!!  You’re a dreamer.  Find Your intellectual discussions elsewhere.  I’m going to break the longevity record here.  And were it possible to have a face to face meeting with You, an incorporeal entity that has no face, don’t hold your lungless breath.

    And let’s get one more thing straight!  For all the evil and suffering You let loose on this world, You ain’t no friend of mine.  And, if You didn’t do it intentionally, then, as Woody Allen says, You’re an “incompetent under-achiever.”

    That the All-Knowable Entity, You claim to be, cannot understand the evidence I present and the logic of my reasoning causes me great disillusionment.  My undergraduates get it.  Why can’t You?  You can’t compete even with my B students!!

    You know who.


© 1997 by Pasqual S. Schievella